i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
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Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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