the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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