if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
