when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
