I wish I could teleport
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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