No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I touched a dick in church today
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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