She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The adults are the big ones right?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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