already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
