HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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