pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize