youre lurking in front of me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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