OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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