I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
