First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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