I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
