It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
