i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
