Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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