we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
