where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
