I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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