There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
