I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so let's talk penis.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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