During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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