Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
