This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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