He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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