WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's not a foreskin expert like you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
