We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I color on your dick again?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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