I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
