i may or may not be watching the land before time
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
