I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
