Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
