She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
