my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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