I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
