and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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