I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
