I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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