a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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