Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
