Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
