foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
