She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize