woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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