She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
