Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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