so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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