long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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