You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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