mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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