Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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