Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
