Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
