So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
