There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
