Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
