who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize